My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
