this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
