I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
