...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
