Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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