Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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