At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
