it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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