Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Come see our sink grown plant.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
