We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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