But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
