What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
