Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
