Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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