Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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