Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
