absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
