dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
