he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had to cum in my sink.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
