Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
