lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
