I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
