I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
