Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
wow bdsm is so cute
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