I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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