I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
