party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
