I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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