I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
