O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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