Please, let me fuck your mom
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
