Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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