I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
