when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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