Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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