hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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