Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
