Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
