He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
