ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
