I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
