4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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