Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
