You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
