I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
