Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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