just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
