i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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