we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
