I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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