Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
