Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
