Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
