This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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