i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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