you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
