Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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