No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
